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Do you want to be married in the temple. Play with fire if you don't fear getting burned. My parents, siblings and grandparents are all active members; as am I. But what does it really mean to be a patriarch, to lead your tribe. They must refrain not only from sex, but also passionate kissing or similar physical contact, or any act that arouses such feelings. I know a lot of Mormons who were also not raised on fear and guilt and strict gender rolesвbut I was, as were many of my peers.
I think in most situations its either you join or she leaves- either you, or the church. I've been married to a cardiologist for 30 years. But my relationship with him is worth this small sacrifice. It seems she'll expect you to become Mormon. Yet another reason I respect doctors so much-their emotional strength. He went out and purchased a promise ring, but was holding off on giving it to me. Accept yourself, and feel God accepting you, and everything else will follow. It won't be easy.